Thursday, October 15, 2009

Aunty Christ buys some beer

  1. Won the stupid essay contest. Even without the form. Put that in your ear, sticklers.
  2. Didn’t get the ACLU internship.
  3. Still waiting for my LSAT scores. And by “waiting,” do I mean refreshing my Yahoo email every 1.5 minutes? Yes I do.

A few nights ago, at the local organic grocery store, I bought two 18.7-ounce bottles of Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal, two giant cans of thug food, an overflowing sleeve of Dancin’ Goat coffee beans, and a carton of half and half. Threw the whole mess on the conveyor belt and watched the checkout boy ineptly hit on the foursome in front of me, who desired to buy a six-pack apiece. They were approximately—I think—22-23 years old, each of them.

“Can I see you fine-lookin’ ladies’ IDs?” our hero said.

They collectively patted themselves and concluded that they had left their wallets at home.

“All right, all right. Next time,” said our red-cheeked lad.

I stepped to the cash register and slid my debit card through.

“You want a bag for these?” he asked. I nodded, and he shook open a tiny paper bag and started to put my items inside

Moments later, I had a heavy, fully packed bag, with the cream carton and the beers’ foily heads peeking out.

“Uh—you kin stick it under your arm.”

“I’m sorry?”

““Wha’?” said our boy.

“That sounded odd,” I said.

“Huh?”

“The way you phrased that was strange,” I said, very slowly, as if talking to a very small child, who is hard of hearing and perhaps a bit slow.

“Wha’?”

“It’s all right,” I enunciated. I balanced the bag in my arms and quickly walked away, taking comfort in the knowledge I’d be home soon with Rich, who shares my disgust in stupidity, wherever it is found.


“Hello, Sir. I think you were telling me where I might stick this? Your ideas fascinate me.”

8 comments:

Law School Podcaster said...

After you get your scores, please tell us if you are happy with them.

www.lawschoolpodcaster.com

Aunty Christ said...

Umm, maybe? Aren'cha gonna at least say, "I love your interesting Blog about LSAT SCORES"?

TweenyBopper said...

I love your interesting Blog about LSAT scores -- and you don't even need to tell me if you are happy with the results. Judging by the time of the post, Law School Podcaster is a night owl.

Aunty Christ said...

You know, I wonder what Law School Podcaster is going to do if I'm not happy with my results. Do I get my money back from LSAC? Perhaps Law School Podcaster knows this guy?

Salty Miss Jill said...

YEAH! I knew you'd kill that essay!

Wish I could share in some of that delicious oatmeal stout with you to share in your victory and mutual disgust for all things stupid.
Including that jive-ass law school podcaster. WTF?

rich bachelor said...

I was hoping for, at least, a tiny, feeble "a hug," tagged on the end of that missive. LSP, you monster!

butterflywings said...

Whoop for the essay contest! Congrats.

Ha, possibly the worst shop employee ever. You don't ask for ID and then say 'Oh, OK then' if they don't have any!

I once had a guy tell me to carry my takeaway pizza flat (note, I had shown no signs of doing otherwise)...sigh.

Aunty Christ said...

Love the pizza suggestion. Reminds me of Simple Jack for some reason: Carry the butter under your hat, wrap the pig in cool leaves, tie a rope around the ham and drag it behind you... I guess everything reminds me of Simple Jack, though, now that I think of it.

Thanks, you guys, for the congratulations on the essay. The LSAT results were less favorable, sadly.