Aunty Christ and the simple pleasures

There’s nothing I hate more than—and a very specific subset of very stupid people have been saying it a lot this winter—hearing (or, let’s face it, reading) people say (type), “Global warming? Bring it on! It’s snowing here!” And then we’re all supposed to go, “Haw haw, that’s a good one, Charlie. If it’s all global warming out there, however could it snow?” Good old-fashioned, god-fearing doubters 1, science 0.

I mention this because it’s been spring here for months, and now it’s officially turned into summer (which isn’t evidence for global warming any more than snow disproves its existence, I know), and the sudden onset of summer makes me happy, at least until rising sea levels drown us all. For months now it’s been nice enough—at least on occasion—for walks along the esplanade, where Rich and I have noticed the phenomenon called Bike Face, in which a person is riding a bike and has this really dopey, happy look on his face.

Now, me? I am not a bike person—not really, though I usually like to own a bike. I sold my mountain bike when I moved out here and bought a kind of cheap, clunky cruiser to ride around town. I shouldn’t say this too loud, because I’m planning to give my sister the cruiser, but that thing sucks ass. Seriously. I mean, I’ve ridden it twice and already I’ve had to take it in to get fixed twice. One of those times was to replace a tire that I had left on the street, which, okay, I can see how that sounds like maybe I was at fault there and not the bike, but honestly, I do think the bike made me take off its tire and leave it in the road for someone to steal. I know that doesn’t really sound possible, but that’s my belief system, and this is America. Love it or leave it. Our boys are dying in Iraq. Etc.

So, bye bye, haunted cruiser. Hello, shiny new roadie! Yesterday I bought a road bike—my first—and although it’s taking some getting used to (the location and general squishiness of the brakes being the main difference), I am actually considering taking the bike out to get drunk and then impregnating it. I love it so much. I would try to spice up this post by adding a photo of my sexy new bike, but it occurs to me that whenever I see a blogger post a photo of something she bought or wants to buy, this suggests that the desired response is something like, “Oh my gawd, you are so freaking cool! I could never in a million years afford a pair of shoes like that! What are you, some kind of genius? A billionaire? Better than all of us? What!?!” and really, I do not care for that kind of a response. Well yes, I am pretty cool, but that doesn’t even matter. That is kind of beside the point of all this, and what exactly is the same as the point of all this is me telling you that I need to cut this short so I can go take my baby on a little ride so we can practice my Bike Face. And shifting. That’s hard.