Friday, February 16, 2007

Aunty Christ is considering getting her own foster child

On the front page of The Oregonian today is the timeless story of an 82-year-old lady who had sex with an 11-year-old boy placed in her home for foster care. Oh love.

In case this story’s escaped your attention, you can read the full thing here. A few meaty tidbits:

“[Elderly child molester Georgie Audean] Buoy described the boy as very mature, saying he seemed more like 15 or 16.” And we all know it’s okay to have sex with those….

“Buoy said hugs led to kisses and eventually to sexual contact when he would crawl into her bed.” Oh, just like when my grandma spent the night. No, wait. Actually, I have a hard time imagining how this would happen without use of cough syrup with codeine or threats along the lines of, “I know how sad you’d be if you had to go live on the streets again, Billy.” I tried to date a 52-year-old man once, but was ultimately thwarted by the turkey neck and the grandfatherly smell. Not that an 11 year old would know much by way of comparison, mind you. “Now, Billy, don’t be scared: a woman’s lady parts are a beautiful mystery. A beautiful, cavernous mystery shrouded in flabby flesh curtains of love.”

“Wolf, the prosecutor, said Buoy showed no remorse in court. She said the defendant did not apologize and was smiling.” I’m just going to say that, if you’re 82 and you can convince anyone to have sex with you at all, no apologies are necessary, my dear.

My interest in the story mostly lies in how the cable-news talking heads will cover it. I believe Glenn Beck, Tucker Carlson, Joe Scarborough, and Bill O’Reilly all argued on the pro side of the child-rape of teenage boys during the “hot teacher” trials of Debra Lafave. “What teenage boy wouldn’t want to bang such a hot, vacant-looking blond?” they asked. “When I was a lad, I would’ve been fantasizing about that kind of thing all the time!” (As if that’s all over, now that they’ve reached their 30s, 40s, or 50s…) Oh, how I love to see the moronic backpedal—hot blond teachers are clearly one thing; elderly greyhairs quite another. What teenage boy couldn’t be taught a thing or two by some hottie in a low-cut blouse? Not so much the octogenarian in the elastic-waist slacks.

It seems to me that this case really sheds some light on the inanity of Scarborough et al’s assertion that adults having sex with young boys is fine. I suppose every rape victim should feel grateful for their assault, so long as their rapist was hot. Or if it’s just that boys want any and all the nooky they can get, perhaps Ms. Bouy’s young ward was just too stupid to realize what a good thing he had going, when he reported the molestation to the authorities. Perhaps he was bragging.

Oh, and for Rich Bachelor, here’s that link to the thing about the baby and the stun gun. Little fucker was asking for it. “It ware looking at me!” indeed.

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